I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
