I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
