Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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