Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
