Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
