I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
