why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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