I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize