you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize