just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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