I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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