think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
