She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
