could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
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After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
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If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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