I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
