She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
