Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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