oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
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We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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