You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Cover your peen. We're going out.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
