there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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