It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
