How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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