If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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