cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
