its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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