Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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