i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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