Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Randomize
