I thought spray tan was a myth
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?