32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
