From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
