I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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