I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
