All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
