I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
is wine microwaveable?
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
