I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
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