Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
So much Jack, so little girl.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
