I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
