She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
