my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
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