Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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