I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
