Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
