my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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