I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
