I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Randomize
