i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
