I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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