thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
