Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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