Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
