I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
