In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
