I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
