If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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