I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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