I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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