The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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