Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
