I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Randomize
