the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Randomize
