as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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